


In which teething isn’t as easy as Eggsy thinks it’s going to be

by lozinja



Series: The adventures of Michael Unwin-Hart and his stupid dads [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-29
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 08:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3844267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lozinja/pseuds/lozinja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael Unwin-Hart took to teething in the same way that Eggsy took to learning Latin. That is to say, not at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In which teething isn’t as easy as Eggsy thinks it’s going to be

Michael Unwin-Hart took to teething in the same way that Eggsy took to learning Latin. That is to say, not at all.

 

When Mike showed signs of his first tooth budding, Eggsy went straight to the closet Tescos and bought them out of rusks. He remembered what Daisy had been like when her teeth came though, and he was fairly confident that he’d be able to steer Mike through this milestone with relative ease. 

Mike’s first two teeth cut relatively easily, leaving him with an adorable toothy grin. Eggsy took to bouncing Mike on his lap until his arms ached. 

‘Look at you! Growing teeth like it’s nothing! Who’s the smartest little baby ever?’ the resulting smile showcasing those spectacular incisors proved that it was Mike, obviously. 

Eggsy took pictures of that gummy smile and spent entirely too long gushing to Roxy about his son’s spectacular teeth growing ability until, frustrated, Roxy snapped

‘Yes, my godson is a tooth growing prodigy. He should represent England in the next tooth growing world cup. Now would you kindly shut up about it so I can take the shot?’ 

 

Months later, as Harry passed a grizzling, exhausted baby over to Eggsy, he suggested that maybe Eggsy had been too quick to gloat about Mike’s ability to grow teeth. 

 

Mike spent long miserable months cutting the rest of his teeth, his little cheeks flushed and swollen. Eggsy spent frantic hours on parenting forums trying to find something anything that would help to soothe the pain in Mike’s gums. Freshly cut apple slices straight from the fridge didn’t help, and neither did teething rings kept cold in the fridge (Eggsy wasn’t too proud to admit that at one point there was more teething rings in the fridge than there was food), amber beads, teething gel, or rusks. Eggsy felt particularly betrayed by the latter failing him- they’d worked so well for Daisy and on those first two teeth. Why did they have the audacity to abandon him now?

Out of sheer desperation, Eggsy took Mike to his favourite Kingsman medic. After inspecting Mike’s swollen gums, Dr Márquez sat back in his chair and said  
‘There’s nothing wrong with Michael, Eggsy. He’s just taken to teething badly. Have you tried putting a teething ring in the fridge?’ 

It was only sheer force of will that stopped Eggsy crying along with Mike. 

 

At night, Harry and Eggsy took turns to pace up and down the hallway with Mike when the teething was particularity bad and Mike would only sleep when he couldn’t fight the exhaustion any more. Who would have thought that all that sleep deprivation training would come in handy outside of missions? Eggsy wryly to himself as he undertook his thousandth lap of the corridor.

 

Finally finally the last of Mike’s incisors and canines came through and there was a lull in the teething nightmare. Eggsy stumbled out to relieve Harry from his pacing duties one night only to find Harry sat in the rocking chair (‘If we’re doing to do this, we’re going to do it fucking properly’ Eggsy had said to Harry as they both watched the rocking chair being delivered) in Mike’s nursery, rocking slightly with Mike asleep on his chest. Harry smiled at Eggsy as he walked into the room. 

‘I think the worst has passed’ he murmured, cupping a broad palm to the curve of Mike’s skull. 

‘Thank fuck for that’ Eggsy whispered reverently. 

 

A new photo made its way onto Harry’s desk at Kingsman headquarters not long after that. It was a family portrait, both he and Eggsy dressed casually in button downs in their tiny backyard. Eggsy was holding a panting JB and Harry had Michael propped up in front of him. All of them were smiling at the camera, Michael’s brand new teeth on full display. Harry would look at it when missions were going tits up to remind himself that if he could get through Michael teething, he could get through literally anything.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm overly invested in these two idiots being parents. There's more of the adventures of Michael Unwin-Hart and ihs loser dads over on my [tumblr](http://www.lozinja58.tumblr.com/). Come and say hi!


End file.
